Well, it’s soon to be Thanksgiving, and as I discuss in my latest column, it’s important to use the appropriate Thanksgiving prepositions. I have many people to whom I am thankful—friends, family, and clients—and although I try not to only express this appreciation annually in November, it’s not a bad time to take stock. I lucked into a pretty nice life, and as long as I remember to appreciate my favorite people and enjoy gaming (rather than wasting time angrily replying on social media), things are good.

Speaking of gaming, we played through the little 5-game campaign of Blackout:HongKong, which reminds me that Alexander Pfister is on my top boardgame designers list and I should really get more of his games given how much I also enjoy GWT and Mombasa. Currently playing Hallertau, another big Uwe Rosenberg farming game but only 6 rounds instead of Agricola’s 14. Also pretty good. And on the videogame front, I finally finished Bioshock 2 and Bioshock Infinite, the former of which didn’t thrill me, but the latter I quite enjoyed*.

And today I noticed that my poetry book has its first official review** on the Amazon page for The Disapproval of My Toaster, so that’s exciting. Almost as exciting as Thanksgiving Leftover Sandwiches! I can’t wait.

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*Admittedly, neither quite compares to the experience of playing the first game fresh with zero expectations, but that was many years ago and we were all younger and more innocent.

**Also pleased with another unofficial review from a friend: “So excited to have this insightful, funny, raw, introspective and poignant book of poetry!”

Which is to say, this week I want to share some review and reaction blurbs on my book of short poems, The Disapproval Of My Toaster. Here are some things that readers have said about the book:

“I love your poetry book”

“all too real universal truth about people”

“I really love a lot of them (and don’t hate any!)”

“full of existential dread and maudlin musings”

“I quite like it, like a lot a lot”

“fun and thought provoking”

“This book of poetry, the clever word play, the punch of honesty that cuts into the social structure of our new world of trauma and distance.”

…that make the whole world say, “Wow, Seth, you do not have a good singing voice, maybe you should just write the songs and let someone else sing them.”

Noted. And indeed, that’s what I’ve been doing. Freelancing is always feast or famine, and after a few weeks with hardly any work (during which I finally beat the Witcher 3 DLC, as well as Transistor), the past week or two things have picked up again with an interesting array of gigs, my favorite of which was to write a song parody for a corporate client. Unfortunately, I’m not at liberty to share said parody*, but it did get me in a parody-writing mood which explains my latest song parody column, The Day That Facebook Died.

Other than that, things have continued much the same, with more writing, gaming, and eating tasty food. Sure there are ups (we’ve just started our 14th annual Alphabetic Boardgaming Challenge, where Debbie and I play a boardgame for every letter of the alphabet), and downs (I’m only just recently recovered from a somewhat irksome back injury), but basically I’m still here existing as best I can during a pandemic; hope y’all are managing to do the same.

*Because I’m a ghostwriter you can trust to stay ghosty, which is why you should hire me.

** This isn’t even a real footnote. By reading this, you’re cheating, you cheater. Maybe you should scroll down and buy one of my recent books to restore your honor.

If it seems like I’m not only posting more often than usual, but also releasing cool non-column things more often than usual, you’re not wrong! That’s because the combination pandemic, climate crisis, and political hellscape* has served as a massive memento mori to remind us that tomorrow is in no way guaranteed. So I should probably try to do some of those things I always planned  And thus my past few posts where I’ve finally put out my first book of short poems, and finally put out an eBook version of From God To Verse.

Today I’m also pleased to share another cool non-column thing, which is that one of my stories that I told at a story slam has been animated by Mary over at SketchMyStory, so if you want to see a stick-figure Seth become stranded with an ancient warrior god and tasty baked goods**, you should absolutely check out my episode of SketchMyStory.

Which is not to say I’m not still writing things! Whether it’s satire about America’s foremost Anti-Vax Spokesperson, or my column about the time I accidentally squandered a life-changing opportunity, I continue to put words in order. Now that I’ve released two books in the past two months though, I may calm down again with the publishing. Like my brief spate of submitting poetry to many journals last year, it’s fun to get things published when I’m reminded that life is fleeting, but usually afterwards I realize that life also has no meaning, and that goes double for publishing books.***

But being alive is still great, I absolutely prefer it to the alternative, so to that end… get vaxxed if you haven’t already, wear a mask, avoid crowded indoor spaces, and try to survive the pandemic so we can see how the climate crisis goes!

* I’m at the Pandemic! I’m at the Climate Crisis! I’m at the combination Pandemic and Climate Crisis!

**I mean, if you have to be stranded, I definitely recommend having tasty baked goods.

*** Can you believe that nobody wants to hire me as a motivational speaker?

If you’re in a rush, I think the post title pretty much obviates everything I have to say here, but then again people in a rush aren’t really reading this blog to begin with. Anyway, as you may be aware, two decades ago in 2001 I started rewriting the entire Torah/Pentateuch (Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy) line-by-line in rhyming couplets. Interrupted by life, jobs, lack of motivation, and a couple other books, I finally released From God To Verse in 2010, in print form.

It was, and still is, my magnum opus: a complete line-by-line rhyming version of the entire Torah, including short rhymed chapter summaries in addition to the full text. To kick off the Jewish New Year, two decades after I started writing it, I am finally releasing From God To Verse in eBook format.

eBook-ified!

* I hired a copyeditor, and someone to format it all for ebook to make sure all the pages line up right and the Table of Contents is all hyperlinked to every single chapter. I even hired one more person, who I’ll tell you about in a future post in a few weeks. Frankly, I’m beginning to wonder if I should have spared some expense, since given the low price, I am going to have to sell some hundreds of copies just to break even on financial outlay, let alone receiving any recompense for my time and effort.

** And I mean actually $5. I’m sure that I’m losing out on algorithm points by pricing things at whole dollar amounts instead of $4.99, but it always seems like such a gimmick designed to fool people’s brains. I realize it’s a gimmick that works, but I’m trying to be honest and straightforward about things, and thus, $5. This attitude is one of the reasons I will probably never be a huge commercial success.

*** [William Tell Overture] Buck-a-book, buck-a-book, buck-a-book book book, Buck-a-book, buck-a-book, buck-a-book book book, Buck-a-book, buck-a-book, buck-a-book book book, Buck-a-book… a-buck-a-book book book [/William Tell Overture]

The past few months have been some of my least favorite in recent memory, as mentioned in my previous post. When life gives you lemons, you can’t really eat them because of your acid reflux, so they sit around and dry out and get sort of gross but at least not as bad as other food that sits around.* Anyway, my point is that I am trying to find the good amidst the bad, and thus in that spirit I bring you this collection of short poems:

All poems written during (but not about) the pandemic!

This is a collection of short poems I’ve written over the course of the past two years, and while only a few of them are about the pandemic per se, I do think of this as my book of pandemic poetry. Because of that, I am pleased to note that I am publishing this book through India’s Cyberwit.net, who have agreed to donate half of the profits towards COVID relief in India. (Although of course you are welcome to just purchase through Amazon if you prefer.) So I guess you could say this is my first book that I hope does good, instead of doing well.

But while proceeds from the book may go to pandemic relief instead of me, let me hasten to assure you that the book itself is not all pandemic and is very much a distillation of me, which is to say that it is alternately pessimistic and hopeful, ridiculous and thoughtful, covers all topics from spiders to food to love, tries to be engaging and thought-provoking, and wants you to like it (but will continue existing as itself regardless).

That’s about all I can say about this collection of poems. It’s easier for me to write about my other books because the nonfiction is about other things. But all the important things I have to say related to the poems are in the poems, which are not really meant to be summarized, but to be read.

* What, just me?

That is, I suspect, when things will get better. The past month has not been great for me, between the water damage to our home, the resultant heaters in our house during the hottest month of summer, and my injuring my back yesterday to the point where I didn’t get much sleep last night because it still hurts too much. All in all, not the best.

Which is not to say there have been no bright points in the past month. I did start writing satire for a new site called Brain Caffeine, so if you’d like to read some articles with titles like “All State-Mandated COVID Restrictions To End, Announces Governor Leeroy Jenkins” and “World’s Climate Scientists Fucking Told You So“, please do so. Just be aware that compared to my more thoughtful Pun Also Rises columns, these tend to be more of a Hobbesian description of human life.*

But soon — hopefully before the month is up, but definitely by early September — I will have a few more cool things to share with you.

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* They are nasty, brutish, and short.

As a comedy fan, one thing I’ve always noticed is how many comedians get less wacky and more philosophical over time. From George Carlin’s stand-up to Woody Allen’s movies*, you can chart an arc of their career and see how wonderfully silly the early stuff was, and how that slowly morphed into a layer of comedy wrapped around something they wanted to say.

Perhaps it’s because I was born old, but I feel like I’m already there. Sure, I’ll write the occasional humor column that’s pure silliness, like my latest on Cool Tips to Beat the Heat, but more often than not these days I’m writing with something to say. I don’t want to classify this as a personal failing, nor as a good thing; I’m simply noticing that same shift I once lamented in other creators of humor, I’m now noticing in myself, and perhaps at a younger age.

In an effort to keep myself young**, I am still playing video games. Most recently God Eater 3 with a few friends, which is a more casual Monster Hunter that suits me well. I’ve also been playing Sushi Eater every Wednesday when our local sushi joint has 30% off their nigiri menu, which does very little for my fading youth, but is tasty. Oh well, no use carping*** about it.

* not that you should watch any of Woody Allen’s movies, or at least not in a way that benefits him

** in lieu of exercise

*** although I can make puns on any topic, the one topic where I always hesitate is fish, because I always feel like a pale imitation of Kip Addotta’s masterwork Wet Dream.

Sometimes people can be right without being helpful.

When I was younger, people told me that I should appreciate what I have and be more positive, and I’d probably be happier. Well, decades on, an older me very much appreciates what I have and is generally positive, and indeed I am much happier. But it didn’t help when people told me that because a) my childhood was not nearly as pleasant as my life now, and b) gratitude isn’t something you can bully people into.

You can force kids to say thank you, but that’s not gratitude. That’s ritual. Truly appreciating what you have has to come from within, and the more you try to push people into it, the less they are likely to appreciate it. Someone having a tough time does not want to hear “you should appreciate what you have!”. Even if it’s true, saying it is most likely to raise their hackles, when what we all want is lowered hackles*. There are some realizations or mindsets you just have to come to yourself. When everyone told me how to feel, all I felt was annoyed at them and resolved not to do what they want. But eventually life came around, I got older and wiser, and in my own time, began to very much appreciate my life.

So even though I could offer good advice and tell you that appreciation extends to individual relationships, and that appreciating your relationships for what they are rather than being mad at what they’re not will make you a happier and better person**, you have to decide for yourself to appreciate things. Admittedly I have the advantage of not working full-time, and a personal philosophy that combines existentialism with epicureanism. But as the pandemic has served as a mass memento mori, I think it’s a fine time for people to re-evaluate how happy they are with their lives, and if you’re very unhappy, something should change. Maybe it’s your circumstances, maybe it’s you!

I realize this post is light on jokes, so click the linked columns for some funny.

*I’m imagining protest signs reading “Lower Hackles Now!”

**Whereas the inverse oft leads to complaints about friend-zoning and can make you a huffier and bitter person.

Did some writing for a freelance client who said he’s been a creative director hiring writers for 20 years, and I’m the best writer he has ever worked with. So that was a pretty nice compliment to hear. It occurs to me that I could re-do my whole website to be more business focused, but so far I don’t wanna. Still, probably worth mentioning that I am for hire as a high-end freelance writer if you need any content made more appealing to an audience.

It also occurred to me last week that it was 20 years ago that I got my first joke printed in the Washington Post’s Style Invitational. The contest was to write a joke that telegraphed the punchline. My entry was something along the lines of:

Samuel Morse’s wife Dorothy asks him, “Do you have any advice for my upcoming 200-meter sprint?” And he replies

I think that joke still holds up, 20 years later. Meanwhile, if you’d like some newer jokes from me, my latest column is about the encroachment of advertisements, and will especially appeal to older folks* who remember the comedy of Bob&Ray, or folks of any age who listen to podcasts.

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* I suppose it’s possible some younger people than me enjoy the comedy of Bob&Ray, but I am unaware of any. If you are one though, kudos on your excellent taste that transcends your chronological limitations!