The Pun Also Rises(as seen in the North Adams Transcript)
"Singin' in Shower World"
Someone once told me that ninety percent of all Americans sing while showering. I said to him, "Ninety percent? You must be pulling my chain." "Not at all," he replied, "And the other ten percent are pulling their chain." Anyway, like many people, I sing in the shower. Unlike many people, I tend to sing songs that don't exist. I suppose that some songwriters may also compose songs while in the shower. Perhaps a shower was responsible for lines like "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone", or "I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair". It's possible that when Bach showered, he invented songs like "Toccata and Fugue in D minor." The songs I write in the shower tend to be somewhat less compelling. Nonetheless, this hasn't stopped me from making up songs when I'm in the shower, because there's no audience there. In fact, there isn't much there at all, because the world of the shower is very small. Whether you have a curtain or a door on your shower, there's a fairly good chance that the shower is the most enclosed space that you will occupy during your day. (If you have neither a curtain or door on your shower, you're a lot less shy than I am.) Anyway, the confined space of the shower turns it into a private little world. Shower World is a fairly simple kingdom. There's one resident, who serves as the monarch of Shower World. Said monarch will often sing, because it is indeed a glorious thing to be the Shower King. The monarch of Shower World rules over the soap, as well as the microphone cleverly disguised to look like a shampoo bottle. This microphone will sometimes be used for singing, but only for the more dramatic numbers. Zombies like eating brains, Weather in Shower World is not as predictable as you might think. Yes, there's a hundred percent chance of rain, which is important because it is Shower World's main product. However, temperature is not always so easy to predict. Most days in Shower World start fairly cold, and then heat up, sometimes to painfully hot temperatures. If the temperature gets too hot, it will drop again, but sometimes it will drop to a freezing temperature, in which case it may rise again, and so on and so forth. By mid-day, a steady temperature is usually reached, but this can still fluctuate in the late afternoon. Supply and demand in the local markets of Heatersburg can cause a gradual decline in temperature. And longtime residents of Shower World are aware that a dangerously rapid spike in temperatures that may be caused by tidal events in the neighboring country of Toiletstan. In spite of the questionable weather, Shower World maintains a very high tourism rate. Unfortunately, there isn't really much to do in the area. You can't hike very far before reaching the country's borders, and the unique topography (referred to by experts as "slippery death waiting to happen") makes it largely unsuitable for most sports. Thus, when the monarch of Shower World is looking for something interesting to do, karaoke is pretty much it. Thankfully, karaoke in Shower World is as good as it gets. Unlike bar karaoke, no business collegues are there to watch you make a fool of yourself. The music, conveniently located in your head, never starts until you are ready, and automatically adjusts to match whatever key you are singing in. This is why people who would never sing karaoke in public will still belt out an entire album's worth of songs in Shower World. Or better yet, make up songs themselves. Just remember that neighboring countries are close by. Otherwise, you might be in for a surprise when you travel abroad, and are mocked for singing about zombies by the Ambassador from Kitchenesia. All work on this page is copyright Seth Brown. If you are sharing it, please give attribution. If you want to reprint it, please contact me first. |