The Pun Also Rises

"If Music Be The Food Of Love..."

    So, I think I'm over being sick for now. Illnesses are just a question of mind over matter, if you know how to deal with them. For example, if you catch mono from kissing someone, you should kiss other sick people until you can catch it again, that way you can have stereo.

    Okay, while I probably won't treble my readership with bass jokes like that, I did want to think about stereos. For many centuries, the only way that people could hear music was by attending concerts. If you happened to live in the same town as the people who produced the music you wanted to hear, great, but otherwise it was less convenient. Maybe your favorite maestro had gone from composing to decomposing. Maybe you'd have to wait two years for the band you like to be appearing near you, and there was no way to hear that music until they arrived. Or maybe you couldn't afford to go to concerts, and had to throw stones at the big boulder in the backyard to pass the time.

    That's a lousy substitute for rock music. Stereos bring music to the masses. Music, after all, is one of those rare things that almost everyone appreciates. Sure, people like different kinds of music, but who's the last person you met that dislikes music altogether? Music comes in so many shapes and sizes that even the most different people in the world have an affinity for music in common. Rush Limbaugh? Michael Moore? Pope Ratzinger? Mayor Barrett? I bet they all like music, although admittedly if they were on a road trip they might not agree on what station the car stereo should be set to. (And you would definitely not want to be stuck in the back middle seat.)

    Still, stereos provide theme music for our lives. And that's awesome. Watching movies lets you appreciate how much more vibrant, how much more exciting everything seems with theme music. Bystanders in the movies are rarely accompanied by fanfare, they just stand there. But the protagonists, the superheroes, the kings and queens -- people that matter get to have their own theme music. It lets us know that they are better, more important, more real then the other extras just milling about.

    That's why I like having my own theme music. If I'm walking with determination, I like serious but upbeat music. If I'm meandering aimlessly about town on a beautiful summer day in the middle of April (because we did have one last week), I like slow, beautiful music. And if I'm walking out of a room where I just made a good speech, I like triumphant trumpets.

    I'm not alone on this. I know that most people listen to music when they drive, and it sets the theme music for their time in the car. Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to have a full orchestra simply follow me around all day and play the music in my head. But most people settle for their car stereo, or a Walkman, or an iPod, or some other portable device that can generate theme music for you. After all, you're the star of your own movie.

    Personally, I don't have a Walkman or iPod, so I tend to hum to myself, mostly in my head but occasionally breaking out into vocalization. And the citizens of North Adams are sympathetic to my lack of actual music. So sympathetic, in fact, that numerous charitable drivers have been moved to turn the volume on their music up as high as it can go and drive by with the windows down. I can only presume that this is for my benefit, because it's obviously much louder than they would need the music for their own ears.

    I sometimes wonder if I should explain to them that while I appreciate the gesture, my life is a different type of movie than theirs is, and hence I would prefer different theme music. They all seem the same to me as they drive by, and it's almost tempting to create a composite character called "Mister Loud Music In The Car Man" -- but I'd hate to promote stereo types.

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    Seth Brown is a local humor writer with a song in his heart and two in his pancreas. He appears frequently in the Washington Post's Style Invitational, infrequently in various other publications, and once in book form -- in his first book "Think You're The Only One?", published by Barnes & Noble. His Web site is www.RisingPun.com

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