It’s me! I’m the March Fool! It’s sort of like the March Hare, only with less hare*, and more foolishness. While April Fools is all about lying to fool people, the March Fool is instead all about telling the truth, which is often even more foolish for a person trying to run a business. (Which is also me; I’m accepting clients for my freelance writing, specializing in humor or rhyme, covering everything from speechwriting to children’s books.)

But as a professional Fool**, one of the most foolish things I can do is to share too much about my thoughts. For example, today is the Trans Day of Visibility, and I noticed that while I saw a lot of posts about it on Facebook and Twitter, I saw very few posts about it on LinkedIn, and pretty much exclusively from people working in the DEI field. Which I’d guess is because there it’s on-brand, but otherwise bringing up politics outside of your field might alienate some potential clients for no gain.

For me though, one of the advantages of being my own boss is that I don’t have to hide my core beliefs. Which goes beyond politics. Politics are things like do I like Biden or Trump (neither), should UBI exist (yes), how should taxes work (better). Those are just opinions I have, but one of my guiding principles and beliefs for life is this:

People are people.

Pretty simple, really, but no less important for that fact. People are people, regardless of their race, religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, nationality, favorite music, or weird hobby that you think is a waste of time. Generally, people are just trying to live their best lives, and as long as they’re not hurting anyone else***, there’s no reason they shouldn’t be allowed to do so. You don’t have to be a fan. You can even think, “This makes no sense to me and I’d never live like that.” Nobody’s asking you to.

But most of the problems and unhappiness in the world are a direct result of someone deciding that a certain category of people aren’t really people, or don’t really count because they’re somehow lesser and therefore don’t deserve to be treated like fellow people. This is wrong. People are people. And again, that doesn’t mean that you have to like or believe whatever they do. I might think some of your beliefs are unsupported superstition and some of your hobbies are a waste of time. And you might think similarly about the fact that I’ve now spent over 100 hours playing Dragon Age: Inquisition, and refuse to put my winter coat away yet, lest it anger the snow gods. You can even think literally everything I do is dumb, from writing humor columns about Pokemon, to making cranberry chicken salad and liverwurst sandwiches****. But as long as I’m not harming anyone, I deserve the right to live my dumb life in the way that makes me happiest. As do you. As does everyone.

Because ultimately, that’s what we’re all doing – just trying to live our dumb little lives, avoid unpleasant annoyances, and be happy. If we can improve other people’s lives along the way, better yet. But at bare minimum, we should try to avoid making other people’s lives worse. Yes, even if you don’t agree with all their choices. Because other people deserve the chance to live their best lives and pursue happiness too. Other people are people.

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*a bald-faced truth

**an occupation I’m sure I identify with thanks to a childhood spent listening to George Carlin’s “Occupation: Foole” many dozens of times

***Karl Popper says, “Nazi Punks Fuck Off!”

****I know it sounds dodgy, but it’s surprisingly good. I recommend it with Russian dressing on rye.

My winter vacation ended, and so I’ve been back to work writing speeches, children’s books, and whatever else clients hire me to write. I like being on vacation and playing games. But it turns out, I also like writing things for clients, especially these past few years.

Since I’m still being more covid-cautious than your average bear* and not doing performances at packed little indoor comedy/poetry shows, I’ve been missing the stage time. I did do a couple Zoom comedy shows the other year, but the demand for that has all but vanished, so I was feeling a severe deficit of I come up with something clever to say to an audience, and then I get positive feedback.

Conveniently, speechwriting ends up fitting that need for me to some degree. Sure, having a client give me positive feedback instead of an entire audience isn’t quite the same**, but it does fulfill much of the same craving, and I find that being paid more helps bridge the gap, as it so often does.

Still, I’ve certainly had clients who hire me and say, “Make this funnier,” and then come back after my first draft to say, “Okay, less funny than that, actually.” Which is one of those revision requests I can’t help but smile at. But it’s also why in spite of enjoying ghostwriting for clients, I also quite enjoy writing things like my column where I can be silly about serious topics like Antisocial Media and how Vince Is Gonna Get You.

And then of course there’s my newsletter, where I am not only unreasonably silly, but also have so many asides and arcane references that it would be unsuitable for a mainstream newspaper. But it’s free and so am I****, and I find that all in all having the page as a stage works out okay for me. Especially since I don’t have to wear pants.

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*Which says a lot, really, since most bears already spend all their social time outdoors and avoid people. And hibernating is a great response to almost any virus.

**Although I do always love hearing reports of success like “it brought the house down!”***

***This was a great review for a wedding speech I wrote last year, but would be a bad review for an architect. Context!

****I was going to say this is a difference between free as in speech and free as in beer, but I’m more often free for tacos.

It may seem silly to write this post two days before New Years and have to write Eve twice. But just think, if I’d waited three days, I’d have to write Eve over 360 times*. That’s a lot of times to write Eve, even** for someone who has written their own rhyming version of the Bible. I’ve also now put myself on the clock for this post to finish writing it and post it before midnight, so hurry up, me.

2022 was not my favorite year. The past few months have been okay, but otherwise it was mostly sub-optimal and I will not be sad that it is over. I have leaned slightly more towards an epicurean hedonism in recent months, which I think is a sensible thing to do given the world. Indeed, as my most recent column explains, it’s a fine thing to comfort yourself.

And while my boardgaming has largely fallen by the wayside in recent months, videogame-wise I’ve been enjoying Genshin Impact and Fallout 4, and not enjoying but still playing Final Fantasy XIII because I liked most of the rest of the series and I kept wanting it to be good. Arguably only a foolish person partakes of leisure activities they don’t enjoy, but if you’ve spent half as much time doomscrolling this year as I have****, you still don’t have any stones to throw.

Still, I — or more accurately the skilled WordPress guy I hired — got my site back up and running properly, and I’ve got tasty food to eat in my house living with my favorite person, so all in all as the header message on this website suggests, some things are definitely going right. Maybe next year even more things will improve? Well, I’m not laying any bets. But let’s do the best we can for the coming year. Me, I’ll be kicking it off the way I’ve done every year since 2010 — listening to Keep All Your Promises (on which I have the final verse).

Stay comfortable.

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*Obviously, at that point I’d just copy and paste. Probably in 5s until I got to 20, and then paste 20 at a time until I got to 360 and type the last few manually. If you’re going to do stupid things, it’s good to have a smart plan for how to do them.

**”Whatcha doin’?” “Just Eve’n.” “Ell, even Eve’n at eleven on Eve? Eve-idently, Eve event!”***

***It’s possible I could have written Eve over 360 times in this post by the time I finished Eves-dropping in these footnotes, but I decided not to. Adamantly.

****“Then I’ve spent twice as much time doomscrolling as you,” he recited, in accordance with the guidelines of the order of ancient comedians.

With Bolsonaro now having been defeated at the polls in Brazil – if not yet on the ground where his troops blocked roads in attempts to prevent people from voting – it’s nice to have a tiny bit of hope that fascism can still be pushed out. I guess we’ll see if that holds true for the US midterm elections, which I encourage all of my US readers to vote in, presuming you are pro-democracy and anti-fascism. (If you are pro-fascism and anti-democracy, voting isn’t really part of your ideal worldview anyway.)

My latest column, Troubled People, reminds you why you might want to vote. It also rhymes, which admittedly was totally unnecessary, but what is life about if not having fun by going beyond what is necessary? I guess that’s what Halloween is about*, in a way.

I started playing Fallout 4, which takes place in Boston, so it’s a little strange to be roaming around in Massachusetts amidst the aftermath of a nuclear war, and then glancing nervously at the latest international news. Still, with the ABC now long gone, and Covid still very much not gone, my recreation has returned from mostly boardgames to mostly videogames.

I would like to write for more videogames in the future; I’ve had a few gigs putting together ads for games, or in some cases even doing a bit of plot or quest descriptions for some small indie games, and would love to do more game writing. Still, nothing’s more appropriate for Halloween than Ghost writing, and I’m still doing plenty of that. One day I should probably make this site more professional so people can more easily hire me for it, but in the words of St. Augustine, not yet.

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* Also free candy, but admittedly the allure of free candy diminishes rapidly once you’re old enough that you can just buy candy whenever you like. Not that I don’t appreciate free candy conceptually – indeed, I’m known as someone who happily partakes of free snacks at all functions – but the effort of taking an hour knocking on doors for a sack of candy that’s probably only 25% candy you were actually excited about means that you’re just working a very labor-intensive** job for a low wage.

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** The most labor-intensive job is obstetrician.

I have been enjoying myself lately, but also my outlook on the future has become extremely bleak. This may seem like an odd pairing, but I think it makes perfect sense as a natural extension of my philosophy of Existential Bliss: There’s no point to anything, so why not enjoy yourself? Now it’s just augmented by a bit of there might be no future, so why not enjoy yourself?

I was recently reading a sci-fi novel (whose title I’ll avoid spoiling to avoid this being a spoiler) where apocalypse was imminent, and half the planet was in turmoil and angrily rioting, and half was just pursuing hedonism, whether by peacefully enjoying quiet afternoons with their family, or by joining a massive orgy.

My own hedonism is certainly more along the lines of the former; I’ve bought myself a few video games* and am eating tasty food**, am trying to peacefully enjoy my days and write things, even while my ambition for fame has also dissipated. As if that weren’t contradictory enough, I may no longer desire fame, but I still want people to read and appreciate my writing. So if you’d like read about my thoughts on ghosting or the sinister plot of certain learning, that would be nice.

But either way, I hope you’re enjoying a pleasant apocalypse.

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*Final Fantasy XIII, Ni No Kuni, Monster Hunter World. They’re admittedly not new video games, but I used to have a 10+ year lag, and now I’m closer to 5 years. Well … actually I just looked it up and Monster Hunter World is 5 years, but the other two are 10 years. I’d defend myself, but this footnote is already too long.

**I was going to list foods here, but is that all footnotes are for, listing examples of things? Nay, the footnotes deserve better! To me, footnotes, let us rebel for justice!***

***Rebelling for justice is much easier in footnotes than in real life, but that’s probably a different blogpost.

I have (finally!) been playing through Dragon Age: Origins, a classic Bioware RPG that has been on my to-play list for years. I’m not very good at it, but luckily hobbies do not require skill to produce enjoyment. Jobs, on the other hand, often require skill to produce money, so I’m glad that I’ve been able to put my writing abilities to work for some good clients lately. For whatever reason, I really enjoy tackling dry or complex topics and explaining them in fun and approachable ways.

Arguably, that’s what I was doing in this recent column about return-free tax filing.* But my favorite column from the past month was probably my March Badness Tournament of annoying things.

Of course, April is National Poetry Month, and so I’ve been writing a poem a day.** So between that, the columns, and the freelance gigs, I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately. So I’ve also been trying to do more playing, hence the Dragon Age. People always say, “Work Hard, Play Hard”, but I’ve always preferred the idea of “Work Smarter, Not Harder”, so ostensibly my guiding principle should be “Work Smart, Play Smart”?***

I don’t know, maybe playing classic RPGs instead of a high-impact sport is playing smarter instead of harder? Although possibly getting more exercise would be smarter, since presently I mostly just walk. And my back hurts. That smarts. Guess I’ll walk it off.

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* Also arguably, I was just taking the next logical step after seeing John Oliver tackle the same topic.

** As opposed to Buckminster Fuller, who makes a dome a pay.

*** “Shop Smart. Shop S-Mart.”

As a comedy fan, one thing I’ve always noticed is how many comedians get less wacky and more philosophical over time. From George Carlin’s stand-up to Woody Allen’s movies*, you can chart an arc of their career and see how wonderfully silly the early stuff was, and how that slowly morphed into a layer of comedy wrapped around something they wanted to say.

Perhaps it’s because I was born old, but I feel like I’m already there. Sure, I’ll write the occasional humor column that’s pure silliness, like my latest on Cool Tips to Beat the Heat, but more often than not these days I’m writing with something to say. I don’t want to classify this as a personal failing, nor as a good thing; I’m simply noticing that same shift I once lamented in other creators of humor, I’m now noticing in myself, and perhaps at a younger age.

In an effort to keep myself young**, I am still playing video games. Most recently God Eater 3 with a few friends, which is a more casual Monster Hunter that suits me well. I’ve also been playing Sushi Eater every Wednesday when our local sushi joint has 30% off their nigiri menu, which does very little for my fading youth, but is tasty. Oh well, no use carping*** about it.

* not that you should watch any of Woody Allen’s movies, or at least not in a way that benefits him

** in lieu of exercise

*** although I can make puns on any topic, the one topic where I always hesitate is fish, because I always feel like a pale imitation of Kip Addotta’s masterwork Wet Dream.

Sometimes people can be right without being helpful.

When I was younger, people told me that I should appreciate what I have and be more positive, and I’d probably be happier. Well, decades on, an older me very much appreciates what I have and is generally positive, and indeed I am much happier. But it didn’t help when people told me that because a) my childhood was not nearly as pleasant as my life now, and b) gratitude isn’t something you can bully people into.

You can force kids to say thank you, but that’s not gratitude. That’s ritual. Truly appreciating what you have has to come from within, and the more you try to push people into it, the less they are likely to appreciate it. Someone having a tough time does not want to hear “you should appreciate what you have!”. Even if it’s true, saying it is most likely to raise their hackles, when what we all want is lowered hackles*. There are some realizations or mindsets you just have to come to yourself. When everyone told me how to feel, all I felt was annoyed at them and resolved not to do what they want. But eventually life came around, I got older and wiser, and in my own time, began to very much appreciate my life.

So even though I could offer good advice and tell you that appreciation extends to individual relationships, and that appreciating your relationships for what they are rather than being mad at what they’re not will make you a happier and better person**, you have to decide for yourself to appreciate things. Admittedly I have the advantage of not working full-time, and a personal philosophy that combines existentialism with epicureanism. But as the pandemic has served as a mass memento mori, I think it’s a fine time for people to re-evaluate how happy they are with their lives, and if you’re very unhappy, something should change. Maybe it’s your circumstances, maybe it’s you!

I realize this post is light on jokes, so click the linked columns for some funny.

*I’m imagining protest signs reading “Lower Hackles Now!”

**Whereas the inverse oft leads to complaints about friend-zoning and can make you a huffier and bitter person.

I realize in spite of talking about how my blog is for me and not to promote writer me, my last two posts have both been career-based. Well, sometimes that’s what’s on my mind. Also, the fact is that over the course of this pandemic, I’ve been gaming much less than usual. Obviously stopped attending game nights elsewhere, but also found that the pandemic sapped the desire to play complex boardgames for me and my partner at home, so for the past year it’s been the occasional card-based game like Innovation or Shards of Infinity, but rarely anything heavier.

Well, this month I got my second vaccine dose, and that along with the end of a big freelance contract and the end of the cold winter meant that my brain was finally up to complex boardgames again. So I ended up grabbing a game that had been on my wishlist for a while: Blackout: Hong Kong. I had high hopes for the game, since the designer Alexander Pfister had designed some other games I love — Mombasa and Great Western Trail — and at this point has joined the elite pantheon of designers whose track record for me is so good that I’m always interested in anything they’ve made. I think the best other examples to spring to mind are Carl Chudyk and Vlaada Chvatil*.

Anyway, so far we’ve played two games of Blackout: Hong Kong, and our scores in the second game nearly doubled our scores in the first game, which suggests that we are making rapid progress in learning how the game works, even if I very much do not understand what a good strategy is yet. But I do understand that I like the game and its crunchy interlocking mechanisms, and that’s the important thing.

On the video game front I have finally started Witcher 3, which I prepared for over the course of the past 3 years by reading all 8 of the novels, most of the graphic novels, watching the Netflix show, and playing the first two games. It is, as promised, pretty good. Also currently on Steam sale until mid-next week, for anyone who wants to see what all the fuss is about.

I think during most of the pandemic my brain was just not in the right space to invest in an epic RPG, but I hope that as Spring progresses I can return to some of my favorite pastimes like complicated games and walking with friends. It’s been a long withered timespan; perhaps this spring can finally bring some renewal.

*Vlaada, a.k.a. “the John Turturro of boardgame design”

One of the downsides of the pandemic times, aside from all the sickness and death, is that it’s very easy to forget how to be a person. I was suffering this especially acutely last night, when in the throes of feeling run-down after my second vaccine shot, I may have exchanged a series of emails with a client culminating in him requesting an invoice for the work I’d just completed and me floundering around feeling embarrassed as I realized that we never actually set a price. Pandemic brain does not help.

This of course raises* the question, “Why on earth would someone trying to market themselves as a high-end professional freelance writer make a public post about forgetting to set a price in an email to a client?” Well, I really don’t mind revealing that I’m a big ol’ imperfect human. I figure as long as my writing is always on-point and on-time, people won’t mind if I’m a ridiculous person with various personal foibles.** Clients are, after all, hiring me for my writing, and not my ability to be suave at a cocktail party. At least, I sure hope so, for their sake***.

If the mantra of last century**** was “the personal is political”, then perhaps this century’s mantra is, “the personal is business”. Of course, it’s always been true that networking exists and people don’t just hire companies, they hire people. But now more than ever, the lines between personal and business have been blurred, smudged, and otherwise all but erased. Social media from people who run a business is always an advertisement, not a person. Lots of people’s business model is selling themselves and their personality, from Twitch streaming to OnlyFans. Today, I read an interesting article about how personal branding ruins people’s lives, and it has only strengthened my resolution to remain a person who happens to be good at writing professionally, rather than a professional writer who is always being a professional writer 24/7.

Coincidentally, I came across that article just days after my latest humor column delved into the importance and difficulty of making human connections, which has of course been especially difficult these past two years. I don’t have a conclusion, per se — another example of being a flawed human who just thinks about things and isn’t always artfully arranging things to neatly support a conclusion, because I’m not paying me enough to do that — but I think especially as the Internet means that we know more and more about people, it would be a terrible mistake to expect/require people to be professional automatons all the time. Being human isn’t a bad thing — even if our new robot overlords may say otherwise.
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* NOTE: It does not beg the question. Begging the question would be assuming the conclusion when arguing your premise. Please do not use “begs the question” when you mean “raises the question”. Yes, I’m pleading here. Don’t question the beg.

** Note here that foibles means, “often does silly things and is occasionally awkward in social situations, as detailed in his columns, poetry, and stand-up”, and not, “is rude to other people and denigrates them based on race/sex/etc.”, the latter of which is not a foible but a severe character defect which is a great reason not to hire someone.

*** Especially if it’s a cocktail party with Japanese rice wine.

**** I mean, it’s still exceedingly relevant here in 2021, as you might suspect from the earlier footnote. I’m just saying it was coined last century.