The Pun Also Rises

"The Pen Is Mightier"

    Well, 2006 is here, and if you're like me, you've already broken your New Year's resolution. (Also, you really have a craving for fettucini alfredo served in the shape of Cthulhu.) I told myself that I would start the new year off write. But that's easier said than done. In fact, it's even easier said than written, which is part of the problem.

    Talking has a number of advantages (72) over writing. When saying a word that sounds similar to another word, it is left to the listener to determine from context which word is meant. As long as the listeners interpret your words favorably, they will think that you speak well. Say you were giving a political speech to a group that included bakers, hunters, singers, bankers, Homer Simpson fans, Arkanoid addicts, and Heaven's Gate cultists. You could say, "The most important thing in this country is doe," and all of them would feel that you understand their needs.

    Written, however, you are bound to offend more than half of your constituency by not catering to their interests. No matter what ritual you undertake to craft that line into writing, you can't help but exclude some people. This is why politicians give lots of speeches and rarely write things down; there's no right rite to write.

    Unfortunately, politicians talk very slowly and are extremely boring to listen to, so people tend to write down what they say anyway. This results in a written record of things that never should have been written down, and should only have been heard orally. Centuries ago, most information was passed down through the oral tradition, but nowadays almost everything is written. Consequently, we lose a lot of information.

    Take some famous sayings. (Please!) Consider: "The pen is mightier than the sword." If you and your pen are fighting an angry sword-wielding warrior, it's pretty clear that unless you have a James-Bond-laser-pen, the sword is probably going to win. But this is actually a mistranslation - the original aphorism was "The pen is miteyer than the sword," which of course means more mitey, or small like a mite. This was only meant to be spoken and never to be written, which is why it's called "an old saying" instead of "an old writing."

    But alas, we ignore this fact, and by writing the sayings they lose their meaning. Many Native American cultures still recognize the value of the oral tradition and continue to pass down their stories verbally, but most of America tends to discard this in favor of the printed word, which is a great loss. The oral tradition, much like the oral thermometer, is clearly better than the alternative.

    Another problem with writing is the loss of inflection. When we communicate verbally, inflection is sometimes more important than content. After finally watching an episode of the O'Reilly Factor on Fox, I might review it like this: "Gee, he sure presents fair and balanced arguments for both sides, and doesn't dumb things down or insult people too much. I can certainly see why the show is so popular." But that would have to be a spoken review, because in writing it lacks all of the inflection (and eye-rolling).

    To make up for the lack of inflection, we try to use punctuation marks. But none of these really affect inflection except for the question mark, which makes everything go up? (Gas prices? Gas prices?) In addition to not really helping our inflection, punctuation can produce; a whole-set, of new & problems! And nothing is more important than the space. (actually, the space is the nothing.) Many a relationship has ended with those fateful words, "I need my space!"

    Thismakesperfectsense. Without the space, writing becomes unintelligible. Or worse yet, it shifts meaning. Consider well the value of the space as you ask yourself the immortal question: What is man's most powerful tool? The pen is.

____________________

    Seth Brown is a local humor writer who has a penchant for pen chants. (O pen, says a me!) His website is www.RisingPun.com

All work on this page is copyright Seth Brown. If you are sharing it, please give attribution. If you want to reprint it, please contact me first.