The Pun Also Rises(as seen in the North Adams Transcript)
"Super-TV"It's been a rough month for television. I don't watch a lot of TV, because I spend all my time in front of my computer. Same glowing box effect, different shiny images. To be fair, I have become addicted to a few shows like Heroes. I'm a big fan of a world where the superheroes don't all have tights, because I've always thought that some underwear corporation must be secretly manipulating the costumes. As discussed last week, wearing pants is super. Even those Heroes, though, will be hard-pressed to save television from the triple threat that it has faced in February. First of all, ratings are down for Lost. Maybe if they had called their show Second Place they'd have done better. But this was the show that everyone hailed as the new era of television. I had friends who said that Lost was the only reason they watched TV at all, aside from the microchips implanted in their heads. If one of television's biggest draws has gone from Lost to Losing, what else can hold people's attention? Well, given the average attention span of most Americans, nothing. In fact, a recent study showed that the average attention span of I really like cheesecake. Sorry. No doubt, one of the world's greatest nods to our short attention span is the remote control. But the inventor of the remote control, Robert Adler, died last week at age 93. One can't help but wonder if God become bored and changed the channel. I see it as an important loss for the television culture, and worry that his passing will go unnoticed. But my friend Danny Gallagher assures me that years from now Robert Adler will be remembered, when somebody finds his body fallen behind the couch cushion. Of course, one channel you won't be able to click to is channel 22. As you may be aware, Time Warner Cable recently announced their plans to make some "great changes" to their offerings in North Adams. This includes a plan to move C-SPAN and channel 22 from basic cable into the super-pricey $40 extra per month bracket. They also had planned to move Boston channel WBZ 4 as well, but mayor Barrett proved that his first name wasn't Grinand, and for now channel 4 remains. Still, the loss of channel 22 does not make people very happy. From Time Warner's perspective, since we are closer to Albany than Boston, we should just use that channel instead, in spite of the fact that channel 22 informs us about what goes on in our own state. I can see the logic in this, and I'm sure that Time Warner's representative Mr. Taubkin has a very good point. After all, information is all basically the same anyway, so it's silly to worry about getting some particular brand of information when there is a closer source for it. In fact, I'm so convinced by Mr. Taubkin's argument that I think we should make some "great changes" to his own setup at home. Having multiple sources of temperature information is redundant and inefficient. It would be much easier to provide one master thermostat that would show the average temperature of the house, outside, oven, and refrigerator. It's not as if he really needs updates on local temperatures from his oven, when there's already a much more accessible source of temperature information on the wall thermostat. Also, all of his clocks will be set to the time of an adjacent time zone. I'd set his TV just to receive WilliNet, but people who work for a television company can obviously get whatever television they want. Really, the choice has to lie with the consumer. Your money talks louder than words, when it comes to paying for cable. I suggest you just leave your cable check on your dresser rather than sending it, because it's closer than the Time Warner home office. Like Robert Adler, there's a remote chance it might work. If you stop paying for services that don't deliver what you want, people will make services that do have what you want. That's the glory of capitalism, where the almighty dollar is always there to save the day. And best yet, it doesn't wear tights. ___________________________________ All work on this page is copyright Seth Brown. If you are sharing it, please give attribution. If you want to reprint it, please contact me first. |